Sleepless Nights
by Cyanidespiderbites
Summary: Yashamaru is uncertain of who he is supposed to hate. He cant sleep, because Gaara never sleeps...Yashamarus inner turmoil as he slips further into a temporary state of madness and depression. Psychological angst. Infant Gaara. Preseries.


**Tittle:** Sleepless Nights

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Naruto, the characters rightfully belongs to Masashi Kishimoto.

**Rating:** T (Mention of blood, depression and sandcest)

**Summary:** Yashamaru is uncertain of who he is supposed to hate. He cant sleep, because Gaara never sleeps...Yashamarus inner turmoil as he slips further into a temporary state of madness and depression. Psychological angst. Infant Gaara.

* * *

Yashamaru watched with tired, emotionless eyes has he observed the redheaded boy roll around from his back onto his stomach. The baby landed clumsily with his face down in the bed with a small grunt. But with the little force that he had, he managed to rise his head back up from the blanket with the support of his tiny hands.

Yashamaru restrained a frown by the sound of the little ones laughter as he clenched the end of the crib tightly, his knuckles turning white by the pressure.

He remember the day Gaara was born as if it was yesterday.

The Yondaime Kazekage had carelessly handed him a newborn child wrapped in a light blue blanket. The infant was a feeble one, fitting roughly between his hands. He was surprised that something that tender and small could maintain a heartbeat. It amazed him even more as he felt its chest rise, striving to catch a single breath.

It was then he noticed that the baby was drenched in blood beneath the covers.

His sisters blood.

The dry blood had smeared itself across his sickly pale flesh. It seemed like from the looks of it, that the medical staff didn't even take the time to properly clean him before handing him over.

"She is really dead, isn't she..." He whispered weakly, his heart breaking along every word. It wasn't a question, but a statement. Because he knew inwardly it couldn't be anything else.

When Yashamaru had heard about the councils plan to implant the one-tailed demon Shukaku inside Karuras child, which still reside within her womb to create a new weapon for Sunagakure, he was immediately against it. They had no right to decide her fate or steal her life away like that!

Tearing her away from her two children who still desperately needed their loving mother,

her beloved village whom adored their kind and gentle Kazehime,

_Him..._

But what could he do? He held no political power, heck he was just a mere tool in the councils eyes. Just like Karura was.

The only person who was probably capable of opposing the council's idea would be The Kazekage himself. But like the saint his sister was, Karura wasnt able to deny the councils request since it was for the greater good of Suna. Even if it would eventually cost her own life and deprive her of the chance of ever getting to know her unborn son. She was an angel like that, always putting the well-being of others before her own.

"She did what was right, but since she wont be able to raise him then it leave me no choice but to appoint you as his caretaker from now on. " His brother-in-law spoke in a monotone voice, clear of any emotions. Yashamaru stared at him in shock as he held back his grieving tears, but felt his sadness turn into rage by the mans lack of empathy.

_Why didn't you stop the council...Why didn't you save her...!?  
_

He hid his raising anger behind a nervous facade as he replied with a shaking voice. "B-but Kazekage-sama! I don't know how to raise a child, I..!"

"It`s an order, Yashamaru." He barked. Yashamaru flinched at the sound of his harsh tone and shut his mouth quickly. He calmed down and nodded his head in defeat as he swallowed his words bitterly.

"As you wish, Kazekage-sama."

When the Kazekage was about to take his leave, Yashamaru asked hesitantly.

"What..did she name him?"

He stopped in his step, his back still facing him.

"**Gaara**"

Yashamaru eyed the moving bundle in his arms wearily.

_A self-loving carnage...How peculiar._ He thought grimly as his fingertip brushed lightly against Gaaras chin, making him squirm a bit beneath his touch. Yashamaru found it odd that he didn't cry like the other babies did. How he just remained silent and calm against his chest...He was brought back from his melancholic musing by The Kazekages solemn words.

"Remember your sister sacrificed her life for this village, don't let her death be in vain."

And so he didn't. The child had grown bigger in size over the past six months, but still small considering the fact that he was born premature. His eyes had soon opened to reveal a jade green color. Yashamaru observed Gaaras antics closely.

His thoughts drifted away as he pictured his darling older sister with that beautiful shy smile of hers, her indigo eyes shining brightly as the desert wind blew through her shoulder-length, sandy blond hair while wearing her signature yellow scarf.

Karura was certainty a beauty beyond compare.

Yashamaru truly loved his sister, perhaps even more then a sibling should. But he couldn't help it, Karura was everything to him. After their parents tragic death during The Second Shinobi War there was only the two of them left, and the only one they could rely on was each other. Even though the loss of their parents broke their hearts, he was grateful that he still had Karura.

If he had lost her then he wouldn't know what to do.

That was until **_that man_** came into the picture and swiped her off her feet. When Karura declared her new found love, Yashamaru was happy on her behalf. Even after her marriage to The Yondaime Kazekage they were still close to one another, and she kept entrusting him with her deepest and most personal thoughts like before. She even convinced her husband to let him become his right hand-man. But despite all the happiness he wished Karura at her wedding, Yashamaru inwardly wished that he would be the one to give her that kind of love and happiness, letting the green-eyed monster possess some part of him after all.

But even if he failed to protect his sister, he remained loyal to her and her children, and tried his best to love Gaara the same way he knew she would have. Yashamaru doubted he would ever love someone as much as he loved Karura or have children of his own, so he did his best to tend Gaara-samas needs. At times he would even pretend that the child was his own son, just so it would feel more like a personal choice then a mission like The Kazekage intended.

But there where also times which reminded him that Gaara wasn't a normal child to begin with.

Gaara didn't sleep.

It wasn't like he couldn't, but the sand had a tendency to act out violently if he did. So to keep Shukaku at bay he let him stay awake. Even if he had to stay up with him. Because even though he hosted a demon, he was still a child who craved human attention like everyone else.

No one else dared to watch Gaara for him, especially not after Gaara accidentally tore a woman's arm clean from its shoulder after she managed to frighten the little one.

Gaara cried constantly that night. Yashamaru had to cradle him for hours as he tried to wash off the dark blood stains from his bed and clothes.

They all feared Gaara.

His father.

His siblings.

**Everyone.**

Except for him.

Yashamaru continued to watch the baby with tiresome eyes, the bangs under his eyes becoming darker and heavier for each night that past. This was just one of the many sleepless nights he had been forced to stay awake, fully aware that many more would come.

He noticed the sand grains was pushing itself through the window, hissing its way toward the crib in a alluring motion, like a snake-charmer who called upon his snakes with his flute. He gave up on trying to hold the sand away from him, because no matter what he did it always came back. It was like keeping the earth away from the sky. Utterly impossible.

Gaara reached out to touch it, letting the rough sand scrape against his soft babyskin. Soon enough the sand was starting to swirl around his tiny form, following his hands every movement.

Sand was an unruly element Suna both feared and respected for its fierce nature, but now it was reduced to nothing more then a child's play.

For the villagers it was truly a terrifying sight to behold. A baby, not even a year of age, who was already capable of taking another persons life with just a flick of his hand.

_Murderer..._

It was strange how someone so innocent could cause so much bloodshed without even putting much thought into it.

_Monster..._

But Yashamaru refused to let the fear control him. Sand or not, he was still an infant with a mind that was still untouched by the wickedness of this world. But it probably wouldn't stay like that for long...Yashamaru couldn't help but worry for what the future might have in store for Gaara-sama.

He glared at the gurgling child, slightly jealous of his carefree state and how unaware he was of the way he was affecting the people around him. His eyes met Gaaras green ones, who was staring back at him with those dark mocking eyes of his.

_You look nothing like her..._

They were the same dark rimmed eyes which he shared with the same man he despised more then anything. He fumed in silent anger as he recalled all the pain that man had caused him throughout his life, by sacrificing his dear sisters life without showing any remorse and turning his nephew into a monster whom he would barely acknowledged with his presence.

Yashamaru felt his body tremble with hate by the mere thought of him.

His dark thoughts were interrupted by the sound of Gaaras chiming laughter. Yashamaru shook the crib in anger.

"Be quiet, you wretched child!" he snapped sharply.

The baby remained unfazed by his harmful words and kept on giggling. Yashamaru eyes widened in realization over what he just said and snatched Gaara into his arms, almost smothering him against his chest while he stroke his short red hair.

"I'm sorry...I didn't mean that..I didn't mean that..Don't be sad...oneèsama..." he whispered desperately, pleading for forgiveness as if Karuras spirit or the baby had heard what he just said. He noticed the sand started to slowly crawl up his legs, probably from startling the poor child, but he kept ignoring it for just a little bit longer. The sand was just protecting him after all, just like Karura would...

"You`re Karuras precious child. You`re a part of her as well, not just him...Nothing she gave birth to could possible be evil, even if you look like him..." he muttered to himself as he placed Gaara carefully back into the crib, the sand dropping momentarily onto the floor. He grabbed the brown teddy bear from the highest shelf and tucked it in between Gaaras hands, making him squeal with delight as he hugged the oversized bear closely.

Yashamaru felt his lips turn into a ghostlike smile. It was a sight like that which slightly eased the aching in his heart and almost made him forget his worries.

Just almost.

He will learn Gaara he thought, about the true meaning of love and pain. Just like he had.

Because in the end, they all got hurt. _  
_

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**A/N: **Since my previous story was kind of fluffy, I decided to try writing angst instead and explore the more darker part of the Sand family.**  
**

I want to remind people that I`m not trying to bash any of the characters. I`m just reflecting things from a darker point of view on Yashamarus reaction to Gaaras traumatic birth, how he handled his new role as a jinchuurikies caretaker along with dealing with the loss of his elder sisters life, and how all the sleepless nights with stress and grief could have affected his mental state at the time.

I hope you readers have enjoyed my story to a certain extent, despite the angstyness! Thanks for taking the time to read and review!

**- Cyanidespiderbites**


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